Picnic in the Plaza
Procedure and Menu

Step One: Synchronize escape time with co-Diva by email.
(This will take a minimum of 4 emails each, because plan times A, B, and C
will inevitably fail due to ricockulous shituations that WILL occur in the workplace.)

Step Two: Run screaming from workplace as fast as you can,
and either race to rescue your co-Diva, or jump into waiting aforementioned escape car.
Warning: You're co-Diva will either be:
A- Extremely agitated due to working with monkeys all morning
B- Talking on the phone to work people who are already having
a crisis without her there for the last 2.5 minutes.
C- Oozing with excitement because it's a Picnic in the Plaza Day!

Step Three: Head down to the liquor store and pick up the following:
1- A pack of Blue Diamond Wasabi and Soy Sauce Almonds
2- A pack of Blue Diamond Lime 'n Chili Almonds
3- Four "Meat sticks". Like Slim Jim, but more, I don't know,
locally made or something. You'll know it when you see it.
They're usually in some kind of container by the register.
4- Look for a diet soda that does not contain cancer food, ie something
with Splenda (can we say that here?).
5- Two airplane size bottles of Dewars. (I'm starting to think we should be getting
paid for all this free advertising)

Step Four: Walk to the nearest cheese factory for some freshly made CHEESE.
There will be so many kinds of delicious cheeses to choose from,
that you will have to sample at least 4 bites of each kind before you can both decide on just one.
OR, you can just get one of those packs with 3 different varieties. This is usually what we end up doing.
While there, grab a package of fresh olives stuffed with garlic, a jar of locally made mustard (mix
it up a bit and get a different one each time), and if you're not into the whole carb thing,
get a great loaf of bread. But we don't. Don't forget napkins.

Step Five: Bringing your homemade (thanks to a creative DivaDonna) Waterproof Picnic Blanket (this item deserves capital letters), set up your picnic area in the shade of a palm tree. This is important because the only way you'll know your time is up will be when you are now sitting in the sun. Get out your pocket knife (any real Diva will have one at all times, complete with cork screw), clean off the old cheese from the last picnic, and while you are slicing up three kinds of cheese, your co-Diva will be opening almond packs, olive package and mustard jar.
Then, take a few sips of your diet soda, dump in the Dewars, and dip your meat stick into the mustard jar. (Wow, gettin porny) I think I'll say that again. Dip your meat stick into the mustard jar. Ow!
So, you can figure the rest out yourself. Just try to mix it up a bit. Put mustard on your cheese. Put cheese in your olive. Try some olives and almonds in your mouth together. You get it.

Step Six: Having a cell phone with a camera is almost a must here. When you're about half way through your drink (be careful not to spill, thank you Lora) you'll get the idea to take pictures. Here are just a few safe ones that I could find.

Like I said, these are pretty safe. But, believe me, there will be some good ones. Trust me.

Step Seven: By now, your bottle is empty, there's garbage everywhere, at least 20 people have walked by with dogs (luckily none were in Pet Strollers! Don't get me started.), another field trip of children (where do they come from?) have finished their California mission tour and the shade of the palm tree is way off your blanket. Alas, it's time to pack up. Don't forget to recycle your recyclables. This is all I can say at this point. This is all. Everything after this just doesn't matter.

I've highlighted the menu and the important must-haves in blue for you, for quick and easy future reference. Go ahead and print this page so you don't forget anything.

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The Broadway Market
Construction Worker Watching

Picnic in Your Car

This picnic requires precise synchronization on your part,
as the Construction Workers convene at NOON for lunch. Always NOON.
Remember that. Come early and get good seats, near the door.
It's  best to have a truck or SUV with a tailgate but a standard car will work too.
Face the sun and wear sunglasses. Sunglasses are mandatory.
Go into Market and purchase picnic food. It can be something like this in any combination:

Fresh Broccoli- Make sure to wash with vegetable hose right there in the produce bin.
 Small bottle Ranch dressing.
Wedge of Cheese, any kind you choose.
Baked Chicken from under the heat lamp.
Diet sodas, preferably with Splenda, but I just LOVE Diet Sunkist and
it's the only place in Sonoma you can get it.
If you've been a good girl lately, go ahead and get a Reese's Peanut Butter Cups.
Or, someone makes a pretty damn good sugar-free version, but watch out,
the Maltitol can wreak havoc and leave you some serious gas pains. Or worse. Pee-U.
(Personally, forget that crap. Get the real thing.)

Sit on tailgate (or inside the car) and eat your lunch while laughing with fellow diva
and, well, enjoying the scenery. It is fun and amusing and the passersby don't seem to mind at all!

This is a good rainy day backup picnic, or any time you just can't do the Plaza picnic.

 That was FUN!
Now, get me outta here, quick!

Cocktails

that was swell,
now get me the hell,
gone!